I know better….I really do. But this is one occasion that I just didn’t do better.
Some years ago, a friend of mine coined a phrase: F**k the luck, it is all about timing. He was and still is right. There is no luck, good or bad. But there is good timing and bad timing and I have been the master of both! In genealogy we must always strive to use timing to our advantage and not dilly-dally around to do it later.
Several years ago, through FindAGrave.com, I was contacted by a lady who wanted me to correct where one of my ancestors was buried. She was right that I had entered the interment location incorrectly and I made the change. I then asked her if she was related to the family. It took her several days to respond but she described how she was related to the deceased and I was shocked to discover that this was one of my mother’s cousins.
But I was also thrilled with that, because she would have first hand knowledge of this particular branch of our family. And she was willing to share. We emailed back and forth for quite a bit of time. It might take her several days to weeks to respond to my questions, but she always did and was gracious with her answers. I continued to do my own research while I awaited her response to my queries and often I found that I had duplicated her research.
Last fall we celebrated my mother’s 80th birthday and I invited quite a few of her cousins to attend. Most live quite a distance but Joan was only about 20 miles away and was thrilled that she was invited. It afforded us an opportunity to finally meet as adults (she first met me when I was in my single digits and she was in her 30’s) but to also spend some time going over what we both knew about these ancestors. Better than that….she shared many photos with me and allowed me to scan additional ones. I was so jazzed! But I wasn’t really prepared. I made notes on a scrap piece of paper and I was trying to reconstruct this tree in my head. They were her direct ancestors and she was very familiar with the details of these families. I simply couldn’t keep up and we were pressed for time.
*Sigh* I got home a week later and unpacked all of my things only to repack to leave for another trip. Upon returning home and finally reviewing what Joan had shared with me, some 4 weeks had passed since our meeting. I knew I took notes, I knew I understood, I just knew that I wrote down the names to all of those photos correctly…..right? But once I began to review the names and the photos, some of the ladies looked the same but more aged, even though I had them noted as being different people. Something wasn’t right.
I kept saying I was going to scan all of the photos with the list of names that she had given me. I would send her an email and she could help me correct my errors. But I kept putting it off. For a million reasons. Ultimately, every reason works out to be stupid with a side of lazy. And I know better. But I didn’t do better and dear Joan passed away last week.
I am sad that mom has lost her dear cousin. But I am also sad that I didn’t get the information from her that I should have. Not for the sake of the information that I could gain from her. Rather, she was keenly interested in family history. I know that she would appreciate her hard work and effort to be ACCURATELY passed on. In that, I have failed.
If there is information that you are unsure of and have a living relative that can help you, talk to them TODAY. There is no better time. Write that letter, make that call, send that email. Do not wait, for those answers could slip away in the blink of an eye.
I can’t help but look into the faces in these photos and say “Please tell me who you are!”
In Remembrance of Joan