Being grateful seems to be my theme as of late. But I think it is necessary to maintain perspective of what is truly important…like what we have as opposed to what we don’t. It is all too easy to whine and moan that we don’t have a new car or a fancy house, when we really should be glad that we have a car and a house. The same goes for family research. All too often I find myself saying “If I could just find that (birth, death, marriage) certificate, then I would have the answer!” To that particular question, yes I would have the answer. But it is important to look at the big picture and be able to say perhaps that you know at least 3 generations of ancestors or that you resolved where or when your ancestors immigrated or that you know there isn’t a single famous person in the bunch but you are proud of their stories.
Along with gratitude goes good manners….kinda like the flies with honey mantra. Years ago in a business letter writing seminar I was instructed to reply to all correspondence in the manner in which I was addressed. For instance— Hi B!—- as a salutation would be responded to with something similar. Answering email is no different. When someone contacts you with Dear B, Hello, To Whom it may Concern, or You Rotten Brat; then respectfully respond in the same tone. Well, all but that last one.
But be sure to respond and do so in a timely manner. That doesn’t mean within hours or even a few days, but waiting two or three weeks is not the best practice. If you are pressed for time them tell your correspondent that: “Sorry for my tardy reply, I am very busy but I will get back to you shortly with a more detailed response.” Let them know you are alive and interested even if you are overwhelmed at the moment. Do realize that some people are retired and spend many hours researching while others may only have a few hours a month.
Be kind in requesting information. No one HAS to share with you. No one. There could be that one crazy cousin that has squirreled away the only existing photo of your great great grandmother, strong arming her isn’t going to get you a copy. Several weeks ago I received a message through Ancestry from a man that lives in the same town and he was a DNA match, though I couldn’t find a common ancestor or even surname. He told me the origin of his family and a half-dozen surnames. I responded with the origin of my family, what states they had resided in and a dozen or so surnames and asked him if anything jumped out at him. He responded by saying that was like looking for a needle in a haystack and that he just wanted access to my private tree! Had this correspondence gone a bit better, I probably would have given him access but what would compel me to do so now?
In being kind, take the time and effort to recognize the “gifts” that you have been given. Seven or eight years ago, I was in the beginning of searching for my Fritcher family connections. I contacted a historical society in New York concerning some family files that they compiled and I requested copies. Within the file was the contact information of another Fritcher researcher. Initially, I didn’t give it much thought but then I decided to take a chance and reach out to this man hoping that he may be willing to share some information. I am so glad that I did! Bruce has so kindly shared scads of family information with me over the years and I have shared my discoveries with him. His friendship and guidance over the past few years has proved invaluable. I am grateful for his skills, intelligence and kindness and I would not be where I am in that line of research without him.
Turn about is fair play. We often find it all too easy to ask for assistance, but hesitate in paying it forward. When I get stuck in my personal research (it happens, often), then I step aside and focus on something else. I am a member of several Facebook groups that are genealogy related. This is a great place to build up some genealogical karma. If you have access to databases that another researcher needs, help them out. Do a few hours of searching for someone who is totally unrelated to you and then next time you need an idea, access or assistance, they will be there for you. A few weeks ago I was able to locate some German birth, death and marriage certificates for my Albert ancestors. Great but I can’t read German! I posted them in a translation forum and a volunteer quickly gave me the information that I was desperate to know. For a moment I felt at odds though, I am not bilingual and didn’t think there was a way for me to pay it forward. However, another member of the group posted a poorly written legal document (deposition to assist a widow in obtaining her husband’s Revolutionary War pension) that was in English….the handwriting was atrocious but I could read 99% of it……all those years reading physicians handwriting I guess. The owner of the document was over the moon to finally have it deciphered after all of these years and I was secretly pleased to be able to pay my genealogical debt.
With diligent research, I have been able to track down several living relatives that were previously unknown to me or any of my other family. Surprisingly, both of were in Iowa and within a fair distance of my mother’s home. It was an adventure to meet these folks face to face but totally worth it. One of these relatives, Joe and I correspond irregularly but he was the source of my first photo of my great great grandmother, Angelica Fritcher. For that, I cannot thank him enough. But he also kindly shared other family information with me and helped answer questions that only a close family member would know. Just today I received a letter from him and it made my day! He enclosed a tidbit of information that I found charming and fascinating. I am grateful that he continues to share information with me.
Just recently I have made connections with two wonderful women, Marilyn and Peggy, that are collaborating with me on my maternal lines. Peggy and I are trying to connect our Bolte lines as we have the same surnames, many similar details as well as a DNA match. We will get there, but these Germans are an elusive bunch. Marilyn shared a large chunk of information with me about my Lewis lines and how they extend back to Pittsburg! I had NO idea but I do think this explains why I have been a life long Steelers fan.
Now here is the naughty list. When someone shares with you, ask before you re-share that information. It doesn’t automatically become yours to distribute. And by all means, give them credit! I had a cousin that I allowed to get access to my tree. While she provided me with a plethora of family information, it does not erase the fact that she downloaded thousands of photos and then uploaded them back to her public tree as though she was the original person sharing them. This is NOT okay. If Charles Winston is the source of your photo, make damn sure Charles Winston gets all the credit and not just for credit sake. Documentation is key to genealogical research and if you don’t give credit how do prove provenance? Greed overtook gratitude in this case and she no longer has access. Be kind to your fellow researchers and don’t be offended if they point out that your ancestor couldn’t give birth after she was deceased or married at age 3. Be grateful that they didn’t allow you to continue to disseminate erroneous information. It is kinda like having spinach between your teeth and no one tells you. You think you got game when all you got is green! Don’t be that genealogist. Finally, be gracious and never try to bully or be over the top to gain access to others online or privately held information. No matter how kind you are, so folks will never share. Move on and find the next connection and nurture that relationship. Perhaps, like me, you will find that they are not only relatives and researchers but that they are also your friends.
